As I sit here, I have so many thoughts. I am about to start a new adventure, and my wee one is taking it with me. I am going to be taking on the role of teacher from home. I have had the unfortunate pleasure of seeing the uglier side of public school. I see so many things that my wee one does that I struggled with when I was younger but I did not have the added ignorance of the staff, or at least I did not realize it. I came to this decision about 6 months ago when I started looking into alternative schooling, but I finalized my choice a few short months ago and decided to do school from home. I only have 1 child, and that is the way it is staying. I cannot help but think of what would happen if I cannot do this. I feel like I am setting my child up for failure in her future. I have health problems, complications from my diabetes and I have days where I cannot function on a higher level. I do not want her to suffer because I cannot keep constant control of my illness. Everyone has doubt, that is a normal occurrence. I have had so many negative thoughts about teaching and my level of knowlegde, but then I started thinking about my school experience I am having right now and how many classes in college I have taken, thinking I know for sure I will fail, and coming out on top and that makes me think I can do this too.
I ask her about home schooling and at first she was against it, but then she started to like the idea. She has days where she goes back and forth about wanting to attend a regular school and wanting to be home schooled. Towards the end, after fighting for 5 months to get her changed out of a toxic environment and into another class, she was finally changed, the effects on her were immediately noticeable. She started doing her work, was happier and wasn’t having panic attacks daily when I would drop her at school. My mom always says “Public school isn’t best for everyone, some just learn differently.” I can definitely see that is true. It is all about balance. I just have to find ours.
I am excited and yet nervous to start this new adventure, but it is for the best of my wee one and that is what matters.