Dangers

There are many complications that follow being Dx (diagnosed) with Diabetes. For me that started just under 8 years ago. It was a shock when I was told that I had Type 1 Diabetes. I had never heard of the disease, never been around anyone with it. I had a friend who’s mom was a Type 2 but she only said she was diabetic so I didn’t know there was different types.The physical and mental toll this disease takes on a person really pushes the limits at times. I am more in control of my body that you could imagine. I maintain the balance myself because my body has failed to do so. I was, and often times still am, overwhelmed. I had a 5 month old baby, was tired all the time and sickly. I was lucky to have my mom there for support. She has been a solid rock for me through all of this. I felt like the doors on my life were shutting for a while after I found out. I decided that I could do this. I was strong enough to have a child, I felt that I was strong enough to take on this new challenge. That being said: flash forward 7.5 years and I am not doing the best I can. I struggle with controlling my diet. I am an emotional eater. I cannot control myself at times. I have considered OEA, Over Eaters Anonymous, and there are meetings in the next town over, but I didn’t go. I decided to change on my own. I figured if I have been able to overcome everything else, this would be no different. I changed what I ate, I started eating salads with spinach, I bought whole grain, I even stopped eating fast food in 2016. I cut so much out, and yet I am still suffering from the consequences of my actions. I cannot sleep most night, tossing and turning from the burning and pain in my legs and especially my left foot. I dropped a knife the other day and I cut my foot down the side, I did not realize until my wee one said I was bleeding. That is how bad my feet are, I did not feel a knife cut my foot. I stepped on a wasp today and got stung, I didn’t feel anything. The stinger was still in my foot. I have to get my blood sugars under better control.
I am told that if I can control my glucose reading, the Neuropathy will reverse and I will start to heal. Healing. That is another danger with this illness. The healing rate is about 8 times slower than a healthy individual. That is how infections set it and spread. I have to check my feet daily, I have to wear something on my feet at all times. I have house shoes because that is how careful I have to be with my feet. This is just some of the dangers. I know there are others who suffer more than I do from this disease and I am grateful that I have only had these complications this far. I have found that literally everything, temperature outside or in the shower, amount of food eaten or not eaten at a certain time, amount of water I drink, everything effects my blood sugars. Stress, being nervous, excited, angry, all of it effects me. I feel numb mentally some days, and other days I find that I am content and without a care. I see how my child reacts when I am sick and it saddens me what she has seen me go through both at home and at the hospital.
People ask me how I could inject myself daily, but the thing is the shots don’t bother me at all. They are just a daily routine that I do and I am used to it after all this time. I can give a shot without flinching and go on about my day. The real problems are what people don’t see. The mental burn out, the low energy, low blood sugars, crawling on the floor to the kitchen so I can find food to save my life. I can literally feel my heart beating and know that my sugars are so low that I am actively dying. I know that if I do not find the strength to get up and get sugar in me, there is no coming back. That is the worst part about it all. I can actually feel myself dying, and there are times I have thought about just going back to sleep. Just the what if I close my eyes and lay there a little longer, but then I pull myself up, get what I need and survive. No one, unless they have felt this feeling themselves, could ever understand what this can do to a person.
-Ravyn

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